By MNJA

How I changed my life for the better.

Every New Year, we do our resolutions. For some of us it is to lose weight, for other it might be to fall in love, get a new job, etc.. For me, I pledged on going under the grid and disappear for six months to turn my life around. And this is what I’ve learned.

The last 18-24 months have the most stressful and weirdest months of my life. I have put myself in situations that I never thought I’d be in. Quitting a well paid 9-5 job, becoming an entrepreneur, going back to school and following my heart’s desire. I have experienced a sense of freedom that unfortunately came with an hefty price. After almost loosing everything, I promised myself during 2023 Holidays that I will work hard to turn my life around within 6 months.

I remember seeing this following quote on Pinterest and it really moved me. I really didn’t want to keep living the life I’ve been living. I was depressed, not eating well, secluding myself from everyone and refusing to admit that I needed help. I desperately believed that I would be able to get back to my old life by keep pushing through the tough time and that with time things will get better.

It took all of me to realize that sometimes, you need to put your ego aside and realize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. I had to be okay with the idea to be open and talking about my problems with someone who would not judge my situation and help me figure out a solution to my problem. Whether you are talking to a professional or a friend/family, the first step is to talk. Talk about it. Cry about it. Laugh about it. Sing about it. Whatever feels comfortable as long as you communicate how you feel.

After finally being able to talk about my situation, I learned to accept the situation. Sometimes we get so stuck in the situation and get tunnel vision and cannot see the outcome. Accepting what happened was releasing a huge pressure off my shoulders and helped me see a clear picture of what steps to take next in order to become the best version of myself.

Getting out of my comfort zone also helped. There is a saying that “God will never put you through anything that you can’t handle.” And I definitely experienced this! After moving out of my house I ended up living in places I never thought I would such as airbnbs, hotels. In my mind they were just temporary spaces as I knew I would find a new home but after 3, 6, 9 months these temporary places did no longer made financial sense and decided to “humble” myself by moving back with family until I find my new home. It was a humbling experiencing because it made accept my situation, look at the outcome and brainstorm solutions to solve my problem. I set myself some goals that I wanted to achieve while being in this space such as focusing on my studies, auditions, and following a strict budget. The most beautiful thing that came from this experiencing was reconnecting with family members and developing a closer bond.

Speaking of bond, going through hardships will make you realize who your true friends are. I don’t have a large group of friends but I know a few people. Sometimes we think we know people and automatically refer them as friends when there would be more considered acquaintances. Going through this tough time made me realize that I didn’t have as many friends as I thought. There were a few times where I wanted to open up about what I was going through and would simply refrain myself of doing so by fear of being judged. Other times, I did open up and did not receive the help that I hoped for and instead got people turning their backs on me. Heartbreaking to say the least but very grateful nonetheless. This experience made me realize that most of my friendships were unfortunately on the surface level and not genuine borderline shallow. When people are used to see you live a certain lifestyle, they want to be around for the good time. But when sh*t hits the fan, they are nowhere to be found. With that being said, I’m grateful that I now know who I can truly call a friend.

I remember telling myself that I wanted to be in a better space mentally, financially and physically by July 2024. I am so glad and proud to be able to say out loud that I achieved most of my goals! I’m in a new home, feeling better mentally, have a close circle of friends and getting more active everyday. Life is an interesting journey that will take you through so many ups and downs but it is a journey that is worth living.

I’m grateful for the tears, for the panic attacks, for the discomfort, for the pain, and the wisdom I’ve acquired throughout these past 6 months. And if you’re reading this, please hold on and don’t give up. Things might feel rough now. You might think you’re going through a midlife crisis, but I promise you that it will be all worth it.

Thanks for reading.

Yours truly,

Maythaila Nerlyne